3 Golden Relationship Rules I Follow Religiously
"We are all so much together, but we are all dying of loneliness." - Albert Schweitzer
In my early teenage years, full of pride and delusion, I suffered from bouts of loneliness. Even though I was physically surrounded, in my heart, I felt I had no one to confide to and share my raw feelings.
Ironically, I am not alone in feeling the loneliness.
In a sample of 1 million adolescents, school loneliness increased between 2012 and 2018 in 36 out of 37 countries. Nearly twice as many adolescents displayed high levels of loneliness in 2018 compared to 2012.
Relationships require work to continue to flourish, be it between family members, friends, or lovers.
As a song says, sustaining love proves even more challenging than finding it.
Now, when I have friends I can truly call my own, here are three rules I follow.
Rule 1: Don’t want a friend who makes efforts. BE that person.
The most common complaint I made and hear from people around me is wanting the other person to make efforts towards maintaining a relationship with you.
You want the world to cater for you when you wouldn’t lift a finger yourself.
After the lockdown, when I had lost my socializing touch, I wondered why nobody initiated to meet up. My father urged me to go make the call myself. I didn’t fancy his interference in my matters, but now I am glad for it.
If you are missing your cousin, drop an eager message first.
If you want to celebrate a hyped-up birthday, ensure you are enthusiastic about your friend's special day too.
If your want flowers from your lover, gift them yourself for a change.
What goes around comes around. For others to make efforts for you, you need to put them yourself. Instead of sitting idle and sad, reflecting on how far we all have drifted, make some calls.
Most of the time, the other person wants to touch base as much.
Rule 2: Your relationships are as healthy as your self-esteem
I know people who suffer because they are people-pleasers or doormats for others.
The way you perceive yourself determines how the world treats you.
If you think you are worthy of nothing, people might exploit you in getting their work done. However, when you hold your head high and feel confident, others are urged to hold you in high esteem.
For healthy self-esteem, your inner voice needs to be channelled rightly.
Feeling insecure and fearing rejection might tip the world to disregard you. So, don’t underestimate yourself! Know your worth, keep your ego in check, and your interactions will be congenial.
If you don’t believe in yourself, who will?
Rule 3: Codependency is not all bad
I have suffered from the Elder Sister Syndrome.
As the Eldest Sibling, a toxic habit that develops is not taking help.
You feel you should be independent. Relying on someone feels like a sin because you have never been allowed to do so. A little bit of codependency is healthy, though.
Whenever I hid my pain from my friends, I fell apart even worse.
I learnt that spilling your apprehensions and hurt eases your heart. We humans are social creatures — taking and giving help is such an integral part of our lives, when done in the right amount.
Now, I don’t hesitate to reach out to my loved ones when I am in pain.
Because I know I would love to help my friends and family too when they are in distress. Relying on others showcases your trust in them. As famously said, no man is an island, but a piece of continent.
To conclude,
Our lives are enriched by the people we know and the different relationships we have with them. How beautiful is it to spend time with your parents, argue with your siblings, and have crazy days with your friends and intimate moments with your lover!
Like IQ, we all must develop our Emotional Quotient (EQ) to have meaningful relationships.
What I Am Writing Elsewhere
1. My most potent regret
In class six, I changed schools. The environments at both my home and school went a reshuffle, and I had to remake my social circle from scratch. For an extroverted person like me, it sucked. There was an option between Music and Dance. I had been learning guitar at my previous school. Read more…
2. Cutting the String & the Stress of a Toxic Relationship
A year and some months ago, I noticed a change in my friend. When her giddy laughs used to resonate in the air, suddenly, her mood turned sour. When her stories used to excite us all, now, she had nothing to say. When her kind eyes loomed upon you, they had transformed into apathetic balls. Read more…
Very good!!