Humanity, Your Attachments, and 'Will Grayson, Will Grayson'
A deeper dive into my unreasonable obsession over an average book
»Letting go has always been hard for humanity
The coming of Diwali meant a reason for me to clean my room. On usual days, it is littered with books, notebooks, and pens — a writer’s den. However, I decided to donate some of my books.
The decision took a strong resolve, considering the hoarder of books I am.
I gave up Percy Jackson — a series introduced to me by one of my dearest people. I gave up Hercule Poirot — the detective who gave me cosy company in harsh winters. I gave up Eragon — a book I love to rant about.
However, there was one book I could not throw away.
It belongs to the YA genre, which I don’t read with as much fervour anymore. It’s filled with as many cliches as a John Green book can be. Its average rating on Goodreads is below four.
Yet, a mysterious force made me put the book back on the shelf.
Will Grayson, Will Grayson will continue to stare and haunt me for the next few years.
Looking at it after years, I went into a spiral of thoughts.
»A companion in my worst period
I have written about the worst period of my life. My mental health wasn’t exactly in its best shape; the lockdown and social distancing accentuated the suffering further.
It was during this period I picked up Will Grayson, Will Grayson.
I read parts of this book almost everyday, and I cried every time. The struggles of both the protagonists hit a nerve with me. I related to the mental illness, to the breaking of age-old friendships, to the loss of love.
This was the first book I annotated, albeit barely.
In the darkest of times, there’s a ray of hope which keeps us afloat. For me, it was this book.
»How do you define Humanity?
I cling to everything - CDs that skip, rings that turn my fingers green, the dead ends of my hair, old love notes that turn my stomach over and over. And I'm not proud but there are still boxes under my bed. And I'm not proud but my closet is still running out of space. And nostalgia is a … waste of time but my heart is full with it. Tell me I won't hold this forever. Tell me there will be a day where I let gloriously go.
Fortesa Latifi
I define Humanity with various words.
Hope. Irrationality. Attachment.
There are a thousand inanimate objects around us. One thing might mean nothing to you and the world to your sibling. Why do we attach importance to some objects, even if they’re more than apt to discard at times?
I stare at my yellow highlights on the book, thinking.
Why can’t I let go of it as easily as others, especially because it relates to an unpleasant memory? Now that the phase is past and I have healed, shouldn’t I be more than eager to never be reminded of it again?
Yet, we are also defined by irrationality.
Don’t you relate too?
There are songs you break down on hearing.
Decade-old soft toys you still hug.
Places you can’t not visit.
Maybe I love the book, because it was my sole companion then. No matter how full of cliche or cringe it is, it stands as a testimony to all that I went through, and that I had made it out.
One day or the other, though, I will have to let go of it too.
Till then, I bask in its presence.
What I Am Writing Elsewhere
1. Three Lessons You Learn from Water
There’s a glass on the table. Dawn has cracked, and sunlight enters through the window beside, filtering through the water, and casting a warm glow on the dark wood. The holiness of the drink catches me off guard. Since time immemorial, water has been worshipped, and rightfully so. 3.8 billion years ago, the first rains blessed the earth, acting as a catalyst for life. Read more…