On Your Fears and Failures
'Can a man still be brave if he's afraid?' ... 'That is the only time a man can be brave.' ― George R.R. Martin
How fears cripple you
Among the countless stories of insurmountable willpower and courage, William Douglas’ tale comes to my mind.
Imagine you are a child, young and naive.
You want to learn a necessary sport — swimming — but water carries terrors. During your training, one day, you reach the pool quite early. There's only another older boy there.
Abruptly, that boy throws you in the water.
Without any aid like water wings, you are flailing, sinking, drowning. You try to think of ways to extricate yourself from this horrible nightmare, but the water is too overpowering — too great of an enemy to fight.
Your worst fear has come true.
Of course, you are saved.
You lose your consciousness for a while, but the terror the incident produced is deep-rooted in your bone marrow. Even after years, you cannot muster the strength to learn to swim again and get to enjoy watersports.
William Douglas, an American jurist, found himself in this tight spot.
As an adult, determined to overcome his fear, he hired an instructor, practising swimming for an hour each day, until finally, he could wade long, torrential rivers with skill and confidence.
Your fears can be different.
I remember fearing the dark and sleeping alone when I was ten. In my initial years of puberty, I feared not fitting in perfectly. I still flinch, albeit imperceptibly, when a voice rises in my home.
Fears require confrontation
When I think of overpowering fears, I am reminded of Harry Potter’s antagonist, You-Know-Who.
His name is Lord Voldemort. Due to his cunning strategy and prowess in Dark Arts, he propagated such fear about himself that, barring a few dauntless individuals, none could take his name.
Here’s an excerpt of the final fight between Harry and Voldemort.
“Yes, I dare,” said Harry. “I know things you don’t know, Tom Riddle. I know lots of important things that you don’t. Want to hear some, before you make another big mistake?”
Potter taking Voldemort’s childhood name here requires an analysis.
Unlike the rest of the wizarding world, Potter decides to confront the disabling fear of taking his name, thus proclaiming his audacity and questioning the villain’s dominance. This foreshadowed Voldemort’s fall.
Without facing your fear head-to-head, how can you hope to conquer it?
On a similar note, I had a falling out with my relative. It was not anyone’s fault, but a poor situation. This relative can be scathing and wrathful. We didn’t talk for days, since I was too afraid to hear what she had to say.
Then the worst happened:
Mistakenly, I believed her birthday was a day later than it is.
I was dialling her, hoping that my birthday wish would placate her, when my mother told me I had gotten her date wrong. Wishing her had seemed the only way to break the ice — I had squandered the opportunity!
To mend this relationship, I knew I had to call.
I thought about a thousand excuses that explained my faulty memory. In the end, I decided to go with the truth and accept my fault. Surprisingly, the call went well. I was honest, and this relative forgave me.
Fears also gives you a drive — a reason to prove yourself to the world
In Skyward, Spensa, the protagonist, was afraid of being termed a coward.
Her father, a pilot, had apparently turned against the humans and performed a cowardly task. He had to be gunned down. The memory haunted young Spensa, who was desperate to prove her worth.
This way, fear can have a positive impact on your life too.
The burning desire to redeem her family's honour, fueled by the fear of the coward’s tag, became the motivational drive for Spensa till she managed to clear her name.
Like her story, mathematics became my nightmare in high school.
When I had gotten perfect scores with ease in my previous classes, in 11th, I scored the worst of my entire life. Fear caught up with me. Yet, the fear also challenged my ego and made me work extra hard to understand the subject.
That year, mathematics became my obsession.
I began analysing my mistakes, running after teachers for help, and asking my parents for guidance. I forced myself to open the textbook and practice till I achieved perfection. Suffice to say, I improved my performance manifold.
What do you fear?
It can be in the form of an ugly childhood memory crippling you from the most common of the world experiences. It can be the fear of perfection which makes you procrastinate. It can be the fear of failure.
Fear is an illusion, albeit a paralysing one.
It is an irrational blockage between the path to our glory – something that can be tackled successfully with the right mindset. Despite its negative effects, fear can also bring a positive change in your life.
It can motivate you to overcome challenges, take risks, and achieve your goals.
We should not be daunted and take a pragmatic approach by seeking help until we dominate our frightened inner voices. Reality won't morph into something more comfortable if we close our eyes.
I urge you to be courageous and go forward with a growth mindset in your life.
What I Am Writing Elsewhere
1. Why should we not chase perfection?
I wanted to be perfect. A lot of time, though, “life” happened. Maybe I couldn’t sleep the previous night and hence couldn’t wake up at dot five. Maybe relatives barged in suddenly, and I had to spend time with them. The flow broke, and the day felt no longer perfect; the tasks were no longer worth pursuing. Read more…
2. The Cozy Blanket, the Book, and the Stars
Another year passed, impossibly fast and impossibly slow. It seems as if just a day ago we were celebrating the coming of 2023 — my turning older seems an eternity away. At midnight, my loved ones and I wished each other, high on life. Read more…
Wow! What a thought provoking piece. Loved how you wrapped your lessons under the coat of real life examples, you can't learn what you don't believe in. Related a lot especially scoring bad in 11th last year too T-T, 11th really is the crack on an Indian student's academic journey. Wish you all the best for future💞