Why You Must Know Your Flaws, Pride and Prejudice, and Self-Improvement
He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened." Lao Tzu
Most of us hang on the extreme sides of the inferiority or superiority complex. This leads to an unfair idea about the potential that waits inside and an unhappy and un-Angelina-Jolie life.
The solution is simple — something we feel too lazy to do.
It’s sitting with yourself and introspecting.
We are eager to know the gossip of the man next door; we shirk from learning more about ourselves.
Accepting failures is uncomfortable.
Yet, getting a hang of your flaws and failures can spur you forward, as Elizabeth and Darcy understand in Pride and Prejudice.
Pride and Prejudice
I first read this novel when I was twelve and I absolutely hated it.
Half the words went over my head, the lines seemed long enough to be a paragraph, and there was no leaping action to keep me hooked. A few years later, due to my holiday homework, I had to reread the book, and oh boy, what a charm it was!
Pride and Prejudice is a satire on the convoluted norms of human life.
When I realised why it was named so, it blew me away.
We all desire to be perfect, don’t we?
Yet, we make bad decisions, especially in the aspect of love.
Austen’s novel teaches you a great deal about dealing with our shortcomings.
About how necessary it is to analyse our flaws and get them fixed ourselves rather than wait for the perfect partner to show up. About the worth of the right relationships. About how prejudices and feelings of pride can blind even the best of souls.
Several characters in the book make poor choices and hurt people, only to realise their mistakes and improve themselves.
Until Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy stop and think about their flaws, they don’t get together.
Without self-reflection, we cannot grow.
Here are the flaws I am trying to work on.
My Flaws
1. How do you live in the movement?
I was at a birthday celebration.
With all of us growing up (and growing apart), it was after a long I had an opportunity to enjoy the company of my friends with delicious food on the table.
However, it was getting late.
I had had a bitter fight at home; when I would get back, the chances of getting scolded ran high. To add to my woes, I also had a test the next day, for which I hadn’t prepared.
Throughout the party, I was fretting.
The panic made me zone out and miss memorable moments around.
Observing my discomfort, the birthday boy asked me why I had made a sour face. After I explained the cause of my worry, he said,
You cannot control what is happening. Here, you are worrying about getting scolded and ruining your present. At home, you will be wanting to be with us and enjoy. You will not be able to study either.
I asked, “But what can I do?”
My wise friend said,
There’s nothing you CAN do right now except live in the moment. It’s better to enjoy the present as it is than waste on overthinking about the future or the past — something that will never arrive or something dead.
“Easy to say when you don’t have a test tomorrow,” I quipped.
He laughed, adding,
Haha. But panicking about it won’t do anything either. Do not think too much. Enjoy what you are doing right now, and then study without the fear of missing out. Deal with whatever comes at that moment only.
I took solace in the concept of living in the moment. Overthinking wasn’t going to make anything better since I couldn’t do anything, and in doing so, I was relinquishing a joyous moment.
I still left earlier than others.
The worst/best thing?
My parents did not scold me, and the test had been postponed. Sitting at home, as my friend had predicted, all I could wish was to still be there at the party.
I had let irrational fears of situations that never came true hack my fun.
This may happen to you too.
When you are playing, all you can think of is the incoming exam, and when you finally sit to prepare, all you can wish for is to feel the fresh air.
The grass is greener on the other side.
Don’t redeem your present for something that doesn’t even exist — let every second count.
It is better to enjoy the activity then and there.
2. I get vain
Vanity is everywhere.
That’s not an excuse, just an observation.
A humble person is vain over his soberness. An honourable person is vain because of her character. Everything in life revolves around the I factor — what you did or did not do, what you are and are not capable of.
With the coming of puberty, I developed anger and ego problems.
Initially, when people pointed it out, I couldn’t agree. Yet, after introspection, I realised that they weren’t all that wrong. At times, I forget about the world and the people in it because I am too engaged, tired or critical.
Pride comes before a fall.
I am working towards avoiding that fall.
Reading books has helped me consider others’ perspectives. I try to think twice before acting and remain humble by reminding myself how big the world is — how insignificant my existence proves to be.
3. I run away from problems
I don't know why I run away. — The Weeknd
This line in the song “Save Your Tears” rings a bell with me.
I am in a similar sorry state if I am upset with someone. If somebody hurts me, my first reaction would not be anger or confrontation.
I run away.
I get distant because talking it out seems to take a lot of energy and effort; I am never ready to call the other person out.
Perhaps, I am afraid it will turn out into a huge fight.
I fear I am the problem sometimes. Introspection is important then, but the other person deserves good behaviour from you.
Since my childhood, I have been conditioned to be the “golden child.”
It wasn’t the intention of people around me — they accept my imperfections and falls — yet, being naturally disciplined and hard-working, I got moulded easily into one.
It trapped me in a vicious circle of perfection.
A slight change in stable circumstances makes me uncomfortable.
I would be happy one morning. But a slight incident — maybe a taunt or a trigger — would change my smile into a frown, and all the enthusiasm would drain out; my actions would turn cold and distant.
I would be avoiding people, and hence the reality and life around me.
With time, I have realised that running away is not the response.
It is merely me delaying the inevitable.
The best strategy I have evolved is to be candid with myself, assess my fault in the situation, and then be honest and vulnerable with the people.
Whatever it is, it will pass.
One must show one’s wounds to heal them.
To conclude: How can you learn from your flaws?
I have other flaws as well.
Sometimes I speak too much; sometimes I get so lost in the world of words that reality gets a good opportunity to shove me.
It sucks.
But then I try to find ways so that the same mistake doesn’t happen again.
After all,
God gave us flaws so that humans could remain rooted in Earth.
So, here’s something interesting to do:
Sit down in peace for twenty minutes. Take a pencil and a piece of paper. Think about all the things about yourself that bother you (and others).
Be honest with your self-reflection.
Then give the advice you’d have if that sheet was written by a friend.
Do you overthink? Do you procrastinate? Do you let your day make the best of you than otherwise?
More importantly,
What is the way out?
Following your advice will be hard; if you believe in improvement, you will gain in the long run. Tell me how it goes!
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