You, The Isolationist World, and A Man Called Ove
We have drifted apart when we are meant to do the opposite. It's time to amend the mistake now.
The social media irony
The biggest irony of the 21st century?
The people in such a globalised world stand more isolated and sadder than ever.
When even our faraway cousin can be contacted in under a minute, when you can trace your million-year-old friend with a click of your thumb, when products from around the globe can come to your doorstep, you must wonder why I said so.
Everyone thought that the coming of social media was a boon.
In our fast-paced lives, it allows us to touch base with people and keeps us up to date with the happenings of our friends’ lives.
But, in reality, it affects your life adversely.
Mobile phones, technology, and social media are driving us apart and making urban life isolationist to the core.
The people who reported spending the most time on social media had twice the odds of perceived social isolation than those who said they spent a half hour per day or less on those sites.
"Internet-related technologies are great at giving us the perception of connectedness," says Dr Elias Aboujaoude, a Stanford University psychiatrist.
The truth, he says, is the time and energy spent on social media's countless connections may be happening at the expense of more rooted, genuinely supportive and truly close relationships.
Teens are the worst affected here.
The time and energy spent on social media's countless connections may be happening at the expense of more rooted, genuinely supportive and truly close relationships.
— Dr. Elias Aboujaoude
Mental health conditions are on the rise worldwide, partly due to increased social media use.
Here is an interesting research studying the correlation between mobile phones and isolation.
The amount of time teens spent with their friends face-to-face has declined since the 1970s. The drop accelerated after 2010 – just as smartphone use started to grow.
With the drop in face-to-face time accelerated in 2010, the feeling of loneliness in teenagers grew manifold.
A Man Called Ove
Recently, I read Fredrik Backman’s A Man Called Ove. I don’t lie when I say I sobbed in the first fifty pages!
The book highlights how important social connections are in overcoming loneliness and finding happiness. Genuine human connections are essential to our mental well-being, and social media cannot replace in-person interactions.
(Spoilers follow ahead.)
The book explored the life of Ove, a grumpy old man living in the Western world.
We begin with Ove trying to take his life after the death of his wife since he had no other person to love or talk to. Life had been rendered meaningless for him.
His life takes a twist when a boisterous family moves in as his neighbours.
We begin with Ove trying to take his life after the death of his wife since he had no other person to love or talk to.
This neighbour, Parvaneh, an impulsive woman of Iranian descent, starts conversing with Ove whether he likes it or not and often rings his bell for help, foiling many of his suicide attempts.
Parvaneh doesn’t mind Ove’s coldness.
She sees through his cover of apathy and understands what Ove needs better than he himself does. With time, Parvaneh’s family (and the community) realise how essential Ove is and begin to bond with him in odd but heart-warming ways.
She sees through his cover of apathy and understands what Ove needs better than he himself does.
On the outside, Ove shows discomfort over getting involved in others’ lives.
On the inside, it is a relief.
Thus, the people around him, which Ove had pushed aside in his initial years, come closer and closer to his heart. Towards the end of the novel, we see how Parvaneh’s children adopt Ove as their grandfather, how a stray cat makes a home with him, and how the neighbours come to appreciate the skills of the old man.
Thus, the people living around him, which Ove had pushed aside in his initial years, come closer and closer to his heart.
Ove is no longer alone.
With the intervention of Parvaneh, he gets a support system to rely on and people to love.
Even after the passing of his wife, he attains happiness again.
From my perspective, the book explored how isolated the Western world had become and how Asian values can inspire us all to drive loneliness away.
These days there’s a dearth of joyful bonds around us.
Isolation is not ideal whether you are an introvert or an extrovert; there is an association between mental wellbeing and loneliness.
There is an association between mental wellbeing and loneliness.
We often replace real-life hanging out with quick chats on Instagram.
The Reel Culture, as I like to call it, which involves sending your friends endless reels to stay “connected” cannot ever replace meeting them physically.
According to the longest scientific study of happiness ever conducted, the researchers of Harvard have proved that the stronger our relationships, the more likely we are to live happy, satisfying, and overall healthier lives.
We humans are social creatures after all.
Fredrik Backman, through Parvaneh’s actions, shows us how we can live a happier, more connected life.
“The stronger our relationships, the more likely we are to live happy, satisfying, and overall healthier lives.”
—Harvard Study of Adult Development
The way out
In my initial years of teenage, I suffered from loneliness as well.
It was my fault.
I didn’t initiate conversations; my ego made me wait for the others to approach. I didn't reach out like I used to when I was a kid. It had a grievous effect on my mental health and made me lose interest in life.
Still at times, I get stuck in the same rut.
Some advice from my parents gets me moving; that is what I present to you.
Ever gotten the sudden urge to call up your friend, talk to your new neighbour, text your loved one, or show your gratitude to your mentor?
Most of the time, we overthink our actions and let the impulse go away, not doing anything for fear of doing them poorly or receiving a rejection. Acting on impulse is considered stupid and immature.
At least, that is what I used to think.
Until I let go of my hesitation.
We overthink our actions and let the impulse go away, not doing anything for fear of doing them poorly or receiving a rejection.
Most of the time, I got satisfactory responses, with the other person wanting to connect as much as I desired.
As Oliver Burkeman says (and my parents paraphrase),
Whenever a generous impulse arises in your mind – to give money, check in on a friend, or send an email praising someone's work – act on the impulse right away, rather than putting it off until later.
Teenagers have been affected the worst by social media, as beforementioned.
We value our mobiles over our mental health and our friendships, which ultimately backfires on society as a whole. We push each other apart, we don’t value the time spent together, and we cannot understand why love is important.
Community is vital to our lives.
We value our mobiles over our mental health and our friendships, which ultimately backfires on society as a whole. We push each other apart, we don’t value the time spent together, and we cannot understand why love is important.
Having a support system in your later years will help you a lot — but you have to build it up first.
So, I dare you to initiate.
To spend some time outdoors, away from your mobiles, and with your loved ones. To understand what it is to be a great friend before expecting the same from the other person. To not shy away from being the first one to suggest touching bases.
So, I dare you to initiate.
This can be hard, especially for our egos.
But stepping out of your comfort zone to initiate conversations (and maybe take them a step further) is necessary for a happy and fulfilling life ahead!
Your job will always drag you away from spending quality time with your family. Your research papers will make you drive all the distractions away — including your parents or children. The stress of your upcoming meeting will ruin the time you spend with your friends.
But stepping out of your comfort zone to initiate conversations (and maybe take them a step further) is necessary for a happy and fulfilling life ahead!
The world will not get any less busier.
So, go on now, hug your mom, meet up with someone who you haven’t talked to for a while, compliment a friend, and tell me how it goes!
What I Am Writing Elsewhere
»I Faced Micro-Misogyny in the Weirdest of Ways
Micro-misogyny can be defined as everyday sexism, which has been socialized and internalized. It slips from our notice easily, but encouraging it has adverse impacts. An incident concerning micro-misogyny comes to my mind and leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. The boys were proud to demean one gender and left me wondering which century I was living in.
»What Is Just Not Worth It
Debating can be fun, even necessary at times. But if your objective is to leave only when the other party is convinced, it can turn into a heated argument and ruin your time. If the matter is practical, there will be better ways to approach it than waste your words and energy on somebody who won’t budge. The other person’s mindset is not your responsibility, not your pain.