Your Solitude, Silence, and the Super(fake)-social World
How often do you sit with yourself and think deeply?
For me, spending time with friends is one of the quickest and surest ways to find out the purpose of life.
After all, the warm glow in your chest is a testimony to the fact that good company can transform your days into a veritable affair of cherished connections.
Yet, we always cannot be surrounded.
God forbid a day you will have only yourself to rely upon.
This day is a euphuism of what I experienced.
That day — the fine day when the sun wasn’t scorching, and my spirits were up — none of my friends had shown up downstairs. The football court looked melancholy without the usual flying dust; the badminton net hung still in anticipation. There were a thousand voices around me, but the ones which mattered the most — they were absent.
There hissed out my spirits as if I was a pricked balloon.
I wanted to return home.
Yet, a voice inside me made me halt.
What would I do in the future if there were no friends around me? Would I return without attaining the fulfilment? How would I get out of the comfort zone of familiarity?
The sun was on the verge of disappearing, and as I watched the orange-tinted clouds, I fixed upon enjoying my own company.
So, I ran.
It felt embarrassing initially since I was so used to having people around. I had no earphones to busy myself with. What would others think of me? I banished the crass thought. Ran, stopped, panted, and ran again. I tried to observe my vicinity the best I could—the striations in the road, the weird shapes of the clouds, the voices of birds.
I felt oddly satiated.
It hadn’t been as bad as I had thought. With night finally settled around, I returned with questions on how people view solitude.
Being alone is neither sad nor bad. It’s an art.
As I pointed out in an earlier post, the people in such a globalised world stand more isolated and sadder than ever.
Our connections and lines of communication have improved on a tremendous scale. When it would take weeks for a letter to reach its desired reader, now, with a flick of our thumbs we can find ourselves in a conversation.
It isn’t working in our favour, though.
With technology enslaving us all, it is hard to hold onto real and meaningful connections (which mean more than relating to reels).
There’s another ironical impact of the same (which I explore in this article).
You might think that I am contradicting my previous article, but really, I am just supplementing it when I state this:
We have lost touch with ourselves. Our company. Our thoughts.
Most of us view being alone as a state to be treated with sympathy or derision. (Alone and lonely hold different meanings).
Imagine.
Walking into a movie hall with nobody at your side. Eating dinner from an expensive place on a table for one. Enjoying a fair, alone. And loving the experience despite.
Most teenagers would see this as sad.
That poor guy has no one to talk to!
There’s another disturbing impact of the mindset.
This is an era where we have kept romantic relationships on top of everything. We are too keen to have a hand to hold onto, even though the same hand might be stabbing your heart.
We are afraid to be alone. To look like a loser, even though we will be at peace otherwise.
The competition should not be between this person and the next one. It should be between this person and your solitude. Ask whether he or she is worthy enough to take your free relaxing period.
You and I fail to understand that constant company isn’t everything.
We should know how to be with ourselves, and enjoy it rather than detest it.
You do not need somebody to complete you. You were born complete.
Enjoying something on your own doesn’t make you a loser. It can make you a manifold wiser, though.
Mobiles, the marred Me Time, and the meaning of Solitude
Even if some of us have begun to realise the importance of span spent with ourselves, we do it wrong.
I have read countless articles about “Me Time.” But most of us do not achieve the ideal state. We need a break from constant chittering and chaotic moments, which includes the company of our loved ones.
Yet, even if you leave the people behind and sit alone, you aren’t alone.
There’s your phone, and there’s you, eager to get lost scrolling. We can never be with ourselves if we have our mobile.
The above activities are certainly enjoyable and can provide a cushion against a rough day. I admit they are necessary at times.
Yet, it isn’t the solitude I talk about here.
The acclaimed "Me Time" can be a glorious period for us only if we learn what solitude is and be mindful of it.
It’s a much-required breather from the relentless ebb and flow of life in all aspects of your life. You get to think properly, without distractions and interruptions.
And getting to think properly has the magic.
You cannot grasp the essence of it if you are alone but scrolling X senselessly, binge-watching Netflix or getting lost in reels.
As Pablo Neruda explores the wonders of a moment of silence in his poem,
It would be an exotic moment
without rush, without engines,
we would all be together
in a sudden strangeness.
A thousand sins have been committed, and a thousand benign tasks have been performed, but we have been too busy to notice.
With the silence, you will get to touch the surface of those moments, maybe dive in deeper. You gain a deeper understanding of the world around you.
Solitude will help you know yourself.
You are not entirely defined by your actions — that’s just a definition that society finds easy to know. You are a human, full of ideas and potencies! Silence can help you discover who you are.
For once on the face of the Earth
let’s not speak in any language,
let’s stop for one second,
and not move our arms so much.—Pablo Neruda
It is in solitude that I read the best, realise the best, and amend the best.
Time with yourself is also for healing.
Life is not a linear graph. To recover from our lows (and to learn from them), you need a conducive atmosphere. You must have the space to gather your thoughts and brace for the future.
On the fun side of it, you get to be crazy with yourself.
For example, I sing terribly. At times, I grab the T.V. remote, close my eyes, and sing my favourite songs without care. Crazily. Pouring out all my emotions and voice, getting lost in the moment, and feeling like a Rockstar.
Such experiences make me intensely happy.
On a realistic note, it can be hard to take out time for this activity.
This is especially true if you are an urbanite. Yet, making an effort to achieve this state as frequently as possible is worth it.
You get to be aware of your flaws, analyse life’s intricacies, refuel with hope and energy.
What you can do in this period can make you a stronger and better person — hopefully wise enough to understand that one cannot ever be wise enough.
To conclude: Ask yourself out!
Loving yourself is your first virtue.
Alright, I made the above quote up, but it sounds novel. Spending time with yourself is not something to be ashamed of. Treasure yourself enough to enjoy and cherish the time you spend with no other soul than yours.
Have a guarded Me Time.
Unwind fully. Give yourself all that is needed for some thinking and enjoying. It is a great opportunity to step ahead in life.
Ask yourself out on coffee!
Enjoy the café, read all the quotes, and laugh about the weird designs in your coffee.
What are your thoughts?
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